White Picket Defense

There’s no playbook for defeating attractive neighbors…MichaelInheriting a suburban house with a white picket fence? Not my ideal dream. Neither is my obnoxiously overly optimistic next door neighbor. Sure, she’s drop-dead gorgeous and executes home improvement projects like a pro from some DIY show, but she’s also a murderer. Of plants. And my sanity. My plan to avoid her at all costs would be easier if my football career hadn’t gone down the toilet, leaving me to live in an old house with maintenance issues and rose bushes that need protection. From my neighbor. Good thing I know a little something about defense. Game. On. RosieBuying a fixer-upper has its perks. After clocking out at my monotonous day job, I spend time sanding drywall or installing hardwood floors to ward off social obligations. The plan is going well until I accidentally kill my new neighbor’s plants. And spray him with the hose. Possibly not by accident. Mr. Perfect Physique wears a constant scowl, and I’ve made it a personal goal to see his genuine smile. No matter how many lame jokes it takes. And with his house in need of repair, I’ve got the tools and the perfect opportunity to wrench it out of him. Challenge. Accepted.