How I Survived my Quarter Century Crisis

Hi my name is Michael Lynn, Mikey. Yes I am aware that I have a boy’s name. This is what happens when your father wants a junior but has no male heir to be found. I am average looking by all standards. I am roughly 5’ 5” with dark hair and dark eyes and I am an average a size 14. Many people consider me thick and to them I say thank you. This is my story of how I survived the worst time in my life. You may find it funny as most do, I am just happy I got out of it alive. It all started so innocently enough, I was at a local dive bar in my hometown of Pittsburgh, Pa downing shots with my then bar buddy when it dawned on me. I am 24 years old, where is my life going? I had an Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts, couldn’t drive, still lived at my parent’s house (without any money saved), and drank approximately $50 worth of alcohol every weekend. Suddenly during that delightful “Buttery Nipple” shot my whole life flashed before my eyes. I was going to be 25 soon, the age I wanted to be married, pregnant, engaged, or a mommy by.