Shame: The Power of Caring

All of us embrace a common humanity in which we search for meaning in living, for essential belonging with others, and for valuing of who we are as unique individuals. We need to feel that we are worthwhile in some special way, as well as whole inside. We yearn to feel that our lives are useful, that what we do and who we are, do matter. Yet times come upon us when doubt creeps inside, as if an inner voice whispers despair. Above all else, shame reveals the self inside the person, thereby exposing it to view. To feel shame is to feel seen in a painfully diminished sense. When I first wrote SHAME, I had no idea whether others would find it of value. I had no conception of the impact it would have. All along, my aim has been to further knowledge of the psychology of shame and its healing, and eventually to create a language of the self by synthesizing interpersonal theory, object-relations theory, and affect theory. The struggle for identity is one of the recurring problems of our age. Each individual inevitably searches for answers to the questions: "Who am I?" "Where do I belong?" Inner security depends on feeling whole, worthwhile, and valued from within. Identity is rooted both in wholeness of self and in essential belonging or identification with others.