Both Sides of the Portal

If you want to use the Stillwater portal, there are rules. Not many, but just enough to keep things running smoothly. Firstly, get your affairs in order before you go. Stillwater will do their best to keep you alive, but stuff happens. It’s not a game. There’s no reset button; if you die, you will actually be dead. Secondly, don’t mention to anybody over there that you’re from over here; they have no idea that we exist, and we’d really like to keep it that way. Because, to be honest, they'd probably try to stop us from visiting if they knew. And they’d be well within their rights to. Thirdly, Stillwater would very much prefer it if you didn’t try to remove your implant. Yes, it means that we can keep track of you at all times. We appreciate that some of you aren’t keen on that. On the plus side, however, it allows you to actually understand what people over there are saying, which we’ve found usually leads to a more enjoyable holiday. As an added bonus, it will also prevent you from impregnating the locals. Or, indeed, from being impregnated by them. As you can no doubt imagine, there’s not much in the way of reliable contraception on medieval planets, so do please try your best not to remove it; we placed it under your skin so that it will really hurt if you try. Lastly, and most importantly, please remember to come home. By all means, relax in the sun if you wish. Find some knights and go on a quest if that’s your thing. Change up some money and buy stuff. Live like a king. We appreciate that it’s a lot nicer over there than it is over here, but that doesn’t mean you can stay there forever. Stillwater does not, under any circumstances, offer an emigration package. If you do decide you want to stay, and so many of you do, then please be aware that nobody has been successful so far in the five years that we’ve been running the Stillwater Project. We employ men like Lukwaro to bring you back, even if you do have the balls to remove your tracker and make a run for it. Call him a bounty hunter, if you will. He’s very good at what he does, but he has a beautiful wife and two great kids at home in Los Angeles, and he really doesn’t like to be kept away from them for too long. So just bear that in mind. He’ll bring you back, by hook or by crook. Even in a body bag, if he has to. Both Sides of the Portal is a short story. 13,000 words approx.